love, actually

I trip and fall very easily. I usually say what I am not supposed to say. I lead a fumbling lifestyle.

Thank you for choosing Love Airways. Here is your itinerary for love:

Name: Love Seeker

E-ticket Number: LOVELESS123

Frequent Flyer Number: N years (Platinum Member)

From: Land of No Love (LNL)

To: Land of Possible Love (LPL)

Departure Date from LNL: When love calls

Arrival Date in LPL: When I find love (Condition 2)

Departure Date from LPL: Until I find it

Arrival Date in LNL: F*** No

Duration from LNL to LPL: A.S.A.P

Duration from LPL to LNL: N.A

Ticket price: Just charge it to my man/woman

*Information & Charges:

Your frequent flyer status will expire upon satisfying condition 2.

Should you fail to check-in on the first leg of the journey (LNL to LPL), we will upgrade your frequent flyer status to Shelved-For-Life.

If you happen to find “it” in LNL, you might get a refund. Documents of proof for consideration of refund would include the following, but not exhaustive:

1. Marriage certificate

2. Divorce papers (to prove that you were once together during the stipulated departure date)

Satisfying condition 2, we will grant you a free Ultimate Lov(s)er Class ticket to LPL and you stand to regain either the Platinum or Shelved-For-Life status, depending on the reasons of divorce, which is not exhaustive:

1. Suck in bed

2. F*** in bed (albeit someone’s else)

Satisfying condition 1, we will grant you the Shelved-For-Life status. Condition 2 gets nothing in whatsoever.